The Phrases shared by A Dad That Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a broader failure to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to take a break - spending a few days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a family member, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I believe my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."